November 28th. Thursday. Loss.

I had a chance to watch this movie called "You Are The Apple of My Eye" yesterday evening. It's the exams period, but I found myself at that lull between papers - my next one is only on Monday and Wednesday. Once I start studying, I don't stop, so if I started early, it'll be a battle all the way until then. As such, I took a break.

It's a love story about a guy and that girl he liked when he was in secondary school, and how that loved develops over the years. At first, they don't even know each other, and then, bit by bit, they start to interact, and everything unfolds from there. There's sweet moments, bitter sweet moments, and plain bitter moments.

It's interesting, because I guess everybody can relate to that feeling, and everybody's trying to get back that feeling, because it's nice. But then again, I guess that that feeling is just a luxury, in the sense that...back then we were so carefree. No longer. No longer.

I want to be lovestruck, but I'm busy being life-struck. I realize that time is flowing, and that it's not waiting for me, and that if I don't get my act together now, there's a high chance that I never will. I feel very inadequate at the moment, you see, but that's not because I'm not awesome, or anything like that. It's because my benchmark for awesome is not there.

Quantifiable things are good, but life is full of things that aren't readily quantifiable.

I'll end it on that note. I think I should start studying for my papers. Exams aren't important, to me, but you might as well do well in them.

Project December

I haven't written much at all these past few months. Despite all my initial resolve and fire to blog and write more regularly, I have nothing much to show now. I think it's just the way life works. Or maybe it's just me. I begin things in earnest, but when reality catches up to me, I drop it just like that.

It's exams season now in SMU. Most of the days are spent studying, trying to catch up to things which you should have studied, and trying to internalize everything that you should have learned. I would be having an easier time now if I had worked harder or paid more attention during lessons, but I didn't.

I kind of regret it. One of the papers I'm studying for is Finance 101. I used to think that it difficult, but the more I get into it, the more I realize that it's not that big of a deal. As I do more questions and as I understand the "hard" concepts, I grow to like it more and more. Perhaps it's Stockholm Syndrome at work...but the problem here is that now, I've already chosen my modules for the next term, and I've sort of decided on the path that I'm going to take.

But maybe I just might change...

Oh well. If I take Finance, I'll go down "that" route. But I don't want to go down any route just yet. I still harbour dreams of being a superstar, of being...somebody. What's my definition of somebody? I want to be known, and successful, without having to change the fundamentals of who I am. I want to write and be successful, tweet and be successful, live and be successful. I guess this will justify the way I've been living, and justification is something I need, because it feels like nothing much is going right.

But I don't want to change.

Anyway, this post is titled Project December, and serves as a prelude to well, Project December. All through December, I'll make a post. It will be about anything, and everything. Actually, I might even do my own NaNoWriMo if inspiration strikes me. I'll see how it goes. December is the "winter" break (although let's be honest to ourselves, the only coldness we feel is the one in our hearts), and I think I'll have more free time to do whatever.

See you on December 1st.