Standing by the water.

Here we are. Sunday afternoon. Alone but not lonely. I have two cans of beer by my side. I like beer. It helps me think. Thinking is what I need to do right now. Like that philosopher said, 'I think therefore I am,". At one point though, maybe I think too much, and I should get to doing more things instead. Whatever.

Blaring from my laptop is "Heroes" by David Bowie. I heard it first in a movie featuring Emma Watson, and she was the one I remembered most from that movie. I remember the protagonist getting to touch her boob, and I was like...what I'd give to be in his place. Emma Watson is pretty lovely.

There's nothing pervy about it, a guy's fascination with boobs, or the female body. It's soft, and it holds a lot of secrets. It's warm. And it's alive. Nothing beats hugs, kisses, touches, and all those things from a member of the opposite sex. It's more than a physical thing - it's also a mental and emotional connection. When I touch someone, on one side, there's me, asking for permission, and then there's her, and her body is going like..."Go ahead," and so that's what I do/did/will do.

I take another sip of beer. The can has a metallic taste, but I like it. As the beer goes down, it leaves a trail of bitterness. It feels like the dark-side of life. Usually, we drink soft drinks, coffee, milo and other sweet things. Beer is the necessary 'yin' to the 'yang' of sweet drinks. Water cleanses, sweet drinks rejuvenates and beer keeps you going. At least, that's how I feel.

"We could be heroes. Just for one day."

It's peaceful, and I like peace. There's nothing much going on, and to some extent, I don't mind, but to a large extent, I can't not mind it, because if nothing's going on, then nothing's going on, and it scares me that...other people might be moving ahead, without me. My biggest fear is getting left behind - opening my eyes and realizing that all my friends, peers, family members have left me behind.

Am I growing fast enough? Am I getting there? Why can't I be better? Point is, I'm in no way satisfied with the current state of things, but I don't really know what to do about it. It'll be fine if I'm not the only one facing this struggle, but it seems like other people have got most things figured out.

If I were to use an analogy, I'd use the drowning man. He's drowning...but thank god there's straws at him to grab at. But there's too many straws. Which one should he choose? He doesn't know. At the same time he's drowning. Surely he'll sink...it's inevitable. Or maybe the straws will slowly fade, and soon, his hands will have nothing to hold on to, and all that's left is for him to drown, and sink, and be eaten by the fishes and the bottom-dwellers of the river.

I just burped. Twice.