Hello there. It's been a while. It's been a tiring and stressful couple of weeks. Summer, they call it. But for me, it's been busy and tiring and I don't ever want to do this anymore. Essentially, I signed myself up for too many things, and by the time I realize that it's too many things, it's too late for me to back out. Now, I have to grit my teeth and slowly cross events off. I do my best, and I try to make the most out of things...but it's nevertheless exhausting.
When you're tired, you start to lose sight of yourself. And that's what I've been all this time - tired. And when you're tired all the time, you forget who you are anymore. I haven't been running, and reading, and writing - things which used to define me. I haven't lost interest. I just lost the time and energy to pursue them actively.
On the bright side, things are starting to wind down. I can finally breathe easier. Coming up are more manageable things, less stressful things. I'm going to try to take it easy, but I realize that taking things easy doesn't come naturally to me. I get stressed, and I panic, and I tire myself out. I do an okay job at the end of the day, I guess, but if I have to go through so much pain, then it's not really worth it , is it?
Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Man, I hope not. It's so depressing to think about. I want to be carefree again. I want to be myself again. I want to not worry about so many things again.
I want to do whatever the fuck I want to do again. I haven't been selfish enough.
Anyway, earlier today, I popped by Zara and I made a purchase. I don't generally buy things on an impulse, but this t-shirt was just too perfect.
I don't know what it's supposed to mean when I wear it. Does my life rock? I don't know. Is it an ironic tee? I don't know. All I know is that it's the kind of tee which will have people scratching their heads, and wondering what the hell. There's also a pun in there too, and I like puns which rock.
Actually...I have many things to be thankful for. Despite all the things I'm involved in, there are people (1 person particularly :)) who've stuck with me through it all, and have been very supportive. I'm eternally grateful. I've also met some great people, so it's not all terrible. I'm learning too, and I'm growing, and I hope I'll come out as a better person from all of this.
I just don't want to be so tired anymore hahaha. It'll all be over in the next coming two weeks. I wish for the strength to go through it with enthusiasm, energy...and just...I want to do my best, yeah.
See you soon! I'll try to post again tomorrow, but no promises. I'm shit with promises. :\
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