Best foot forward.

It's been about a year since my last marathon. I recall fondly those days I spent running. It was an everyday thing - I either ran really early in the morning or late in the evening. I planned my days and my weeks around running. You have to, you see. You can't just run distances exceeding 20km on a whim. Before that, you need to get enough rest, ingest to right nutrition, and make sure the weather's not too hot. When I didn't run, it's because I had to rest, and when I missed a run, I felt like there was something missing from my day.

Of course, those days are long gone. I had more free time then. When I started running regularly, I was in the army. Running was part of the routine, and even on days where we didn't run, there was time to do it on your own. The camp I was in had a fantastic running route, and a track, and a gym, and I loved it. After seeing some seniors wearing the marathon shirts, I finally gathered up the courage to sign up for my first marathon, and I took it seriously. If you know me, you'd know that I take most things seriously. If they can do it, then why can't I?

I trained hard for 6 months, and finished with an impressive timing of 4hr25mins. The run was a breeze initially, as with all marathons, and then I started suffering. My legs turned to steel, my breathing became more ragged, etc, so on and so forth. I grit my teeth, pulled through, and when I crossed the finish line, I felt happy. I reached home in the morning, took a nap, and went out that very same afternoon, fatigued, but walking around proudly in my hard-earned finisher tee.

The marathon itself was painful, but I really liked the experience. And I thought that I could have done better. And I still had the luxury of being able to run. So I signed up for yet another one. I trained harder than ever, incorporating fartleks and hill runs, reading up on running literature, and increasing my overall mileage. If you had been my friend on FB then, you would have seen me posting that I had just run 22km, 24km and my maximum, 34km.

Running's a very solitary activity, at least, that's how I view it. It's intensely meditative. Kind of like how monks sit cross-legged with their eyes closed, only I'm on the move, feet stomping in rhythm, breathing vigorously, trying not to think about the pain and the exhaustion.

I finished that marathon in 3hr58min. I told myself that I'd finish in less than 4 hours, and I actually succeeded. It was unbelievable. Thinking about it, even now, I can't help but feel like I can tackle anything, you know? Not many people will ever finish a marathon, and not many people will ever finish in less than 4 hours. I was...elite. I'm hardly elite. I'm hardly special. At least, sometimes, I feel that way.

So I signed up once again, but things changed. I had finished army. Farewell to my free time, farewell to that track, farewell to do friends who I sometimes ran with. I was working too, and running was something I did after work. It's tiring as heck! Having to wake up the next day was painful too. All in all, my preparation wasn't as up to par as the previous marathon...and it showed.

In the midst of that marathon, I thought that maybe I could pull off a miracle here. But alas, no. I finished still, but it was a worse run that the previous two. I finished in 4hr32min, and my finishing photo looks the least glamorous, as seen here. I'm still proud that I finished, but I was admittedly disappointed.

And here we are. I no longer run as often as I used to, or with the same level of passion, or enthusiasm. Previously, I viewed running as a way of life. It was what kept me grounded, and what I organized my life around. It kept me relaxed and it allowed me to unwind, and be myself even for a little while. Now, I'm just so busy with everything else, that running has taken a backseat.

I managed to run semi-regularly even during the school term. But I have a host of excuses now, so I haven't been running as much. In fact, I haven't jogged outdoors in more than a month. I've been mostly confined in the gym; short thirty minutes burst of manic energy, just enough to burn those calories, and keep the fats away, or at least try to.

So times have changed, and I guess that's the point that I'm trying to drive at here. I'm not the same person that I was before. Or maybe I'm the same, and it's just that the circumstances have changed. Either way, I'm no longer running. I'm grappling with other stuff, and even if I want to run away to unwind and relax, I can't. I don't have the time, energy, or motivation do to so.  

But just because I've stopped running doesn't mean that I've stopped doing other things. I'm busy busy busy. It's not summer, it's SMUmmer, and it's terribly tiring. At times, like yesterday, I begin to lose heart, and question why I'm doing this and that. What I need to do is to channel the passion that I had for running into everything else that I'm doing today. I need to figure out my motivations too, which is to (1) be the best, (2) make everybody happy and (3) love everyone.

Today is a new day. I put my best foot forward.

Gotye's a meme now.

PS: None of these were made by me. Found them off the internet, and put them together nicely. Have a good Sunday morning, all!

Working on my CV.

Cover page:

Mum's the world.

Today is Mother's Day. I'm very happy for those who celebrated it. I'm jealous of them too. Unlike them, I didn't, couldn't celebrate it. It's a complicated family life I lead; both parents are overseas. I guess it's something I've grown use to. I've recognized the convenience and freedom it accords to me...but man, sometimes, I really miss them. On holidays like this, it hits hard. Felt like my heart was being squeezed.

I ventured out alone to a Starbucks in the CBD area. Not many people are free to go out, because they're with their family. So I was by myself. I wanted to sit down, send out emails, clear some work, read my book, and do some writing. All around me were mothers being taken out by their husbands and their children. I felt empty, and all of a sudden, I missed my mum. In the middle of Starbucks, I started tearing up.

I really really really miss her. She loves me unconditionally, but I don't always appreciate it. She cares for me, and she tries her best to give me the best life that I can have. I'm ungrateful, like scum, sometimes. She's sacrificed plenty...ahh fuck it. Fuck, I don't want to disappoint her. I want her to be proud of me, I want her to look at me, and feel that all the sacrifices she's made in the past is worth it. I want to give her an easy life, and I want to support her as she gets older, as she's supporting me now.

I love you mum. I'll do you proud.

Mother's Day

I miss my mum. She's overseas at the moment. It's tough having her away for long periods of time. Uhhh, fuck this shit. I wish that life was simpler sometimes.

Tearing up in a Starbucks is not cool.

Not quite there yet.

Sometimes, I wonder where's my resolve. This blogging thing needs more work than I've been willing to put in. I do want to blog, and I do want to make a name out of myself. The willingness is there.  And it's not that I don't have the time. My biggest problem is that I procrastinate way too much. There needs to be a fresh start. I need a clear direction

Time for a mind-map. Be right back, and when I come back, I'll be stronger than ever, or so I tell myself.

So this is new.

I think I've been granted a great opportunity, and I'm viewing it in the most negative way possible. This evening, I reluctantly dragged my feet to the Vertical Horizon concert. It was something I had to do as part of my CCA; go down for events, cover it, snap some photos and then write a review. Initially, I viewed it as a chore...but as I stood in the middle of the crowd, as the band performed their hearts out, I realized that I was a part of something genuinely cool. All the hesitation and irritation I felt disappeared, and I began to enjoy myself.

And I thought about all the other opportunities that are being granted to me, as I'm doing this. I'm meeting new people, making new connections, trying out new things, developing my talents, and...I could go on. For instance, this evening, I was at the photographer's section of the venue. It's right at the front of the stage. For the first three songs, we were given free rein to take all the photos we wanted. The more professional photographers had all the equipment, and were running around with purpose. I tried to emulate them; I did so badly, but my point is, it's still a cool experience.

This is what summer is all about. Doing new things, learning, and really going, and growing beyond the classroom. I'm excited all over again. 

Sigh

I am very tired. I need a good rest. I want to not give a damn about anything at all.

I don't want to grow up.

Don't judge a book by it's cover.

Summer's been quite busy! There's numerous meetings to attend, things to plan, people to contact...and events to cover. Recently, I went down to Book Exchange 2012 at the National Library. It's not the most exciting event, certainly, but it was fun nonetheless.

Me getting ready to cover the event. Looks good, I think.

I haven't been able to blog as much as I wanted to. But other than the not blogging part (which is quite important, now that I think about it), my summer's quite on track. I'm exercising more, reading more, and my  involvements so far are on track. Oh, I need to book my RT soon. Ahh, that's gonna suck.

Okay, out. Blog you later.

New and Improved.

Spotted on an SMRT bus 966.

Maybe they think that at one point, the bus will be so crowded that the passengers will literally be standing on one another.

Get the name right.

The year's most anticipated movie is coming out. It's the one about a bunch of superheroes teaming up to save the world. I'm pretty sure everybody's going to watch it, and then make sure everybody knows that they've watched it. After which they'll abuse the following words: epic, awesome, legendary, ground-breaking, so on and so forth. I'm prepared to have my Facebook and Twitter feed flooded.

I think before this happens, we need to be on the same page about something: the freaking name of the movie. It infuritates me to see it misused.

It's 'The Avengers'. 

It's not 'Avengers', without the 'the'. It's not 'Marvel's Avengers'. It's not 'A Avengers'. It's not 'Avenger'. You see the arrow within the 'A'? There's a 'THE' there. So, yeah, 'The Avengers'.

As one united community, let's get the name right.

Name aside, I'm pretty excited for the coming movie. I never really watched any of the Iron Man movies, but I thought Captain America was okay, and that Thor was fantastic.The trailers look good, and the initial reviews are generally positive. I mean, it's scored a whopping 97% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Basically, Loki, Thor's evil half-brother or something, wants to take over the world, and so he strikes a deal with some alien race and they wreck havoc on Earth. No single superhero can stop them; hence, Nick Fury, from SHIELD, gathers the world's greatest superheroes. There's teeting problems of course, as the huge personalities clash, but somehow, they all work it out.

My next post about this movie shall see me using what I have learned in my LTB (Leadership and Teambuilding) Module, and applying it in the context of the show.